i jhust puked up my retainher.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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