you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
