He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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