I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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