dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
