You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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