Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize