Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
