I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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