it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize