I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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