The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize