We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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