I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
