He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
