Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
