i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
