i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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