So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
