You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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