I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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