brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
