Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
