peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
