i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
