Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Acid is not a monday night drug
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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