Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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