I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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