he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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