Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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