it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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