You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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