is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
