I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
