Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
