how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
