it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
