Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
