i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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