you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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