i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
