Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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