Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
