wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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