Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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