i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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