if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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