PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
