Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize