is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
