i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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