i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize