She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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