Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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