whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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