my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
