Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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