I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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