I should be sponsored by Trojan
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize