There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
