I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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