he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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