I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
