You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
