I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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