Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
