Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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