At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i will never coherently bang her
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize