Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
