i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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