Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
