WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
