I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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