Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
