So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The feeling are messing with the penis
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
