My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
